Friday, February 24, 2012

The Elevator Ride

I’ve never worked in an office building with more than 2 floors so I have never had the experience of riding in an elevator on a daily basis.  Until now….

My office is on the 10th floor of a 10 floor building.  We have great views of downtown Denver to the east and the Rocky Mountains to the west.  I love having these views, but I HATE having to ride the elevator to get to my 10th floor office.  There are several reasons why I don’t like elevators:

1.     The awkward glances and conversations that occur in elevators.  I know that most people have the urge to look my way and start idle chit chat, but this is always awkward.  Please keep your eyes forward and leave me alone.

2.     It never fails; I get turned around when riding in an elevator.  EVERY SINGLE TIME I forget which way to turn, especially because there are four elevators to choose from.  So I end up looking like a complete idiot every time I get off an elevator.  WHY AM I CONFUSED EVERY DAY, WHY??

3.     Once in a while, I get on the elevator alone…. Then some idiot on the 4th floor makes my personal floor transporter stop AND the said idiot gets on and proceeds to try to talk about the weather (see #1).

4.     I am always worried I will fart and that the entire elevator full of people will be subjected to the stench, and know it was me.  Or I think that I will be riding the elevator alone, let one slip, and then someone gets on the elevator at the next floor.  So awkward and so unfortunate if this happens.

5.     Riding with someone that farts or has other bodily odors.  Its always worse when it is someone else…..

6.     The fear that the elevator will get stuck between floors and I have to live in the elevator for days.  The fear compounds when someone else is in the elevator with me.  Read this New Yorker article.  Now watch this clip:

That is my worst nightmare.  I think I'm going to take the stairs today.  

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